1. A blog reader/facebook friend asked me the following question(s):
did you have to deal with anger issues with your sons when they were older teens living at home?
did they ever beat the crap out of each other?
And, well, to be honest, their teen years were a blur, so I asked the three of them to comment on a private facebook thread. This was the conversation:
Hi C, M, D - I have a divorced friend with 3 sons (all in the late teens). She sent me an email asking for help. Her boys are angry human beings that fight with each other All The Time. Very angry. Dangerous fighting. She's worried they're going to seriously hurt/possibly kill each other.
She wondered if I had that experience with you three. And if I had any advice.
So I'm asking you guys.
I don't remember you guys fighting with each other as much as you fought with me. Nor can I remember you being out-of-control angry at each other. That too was directed at me
Did you fight alot? How did it get solved? Were you ever afraid/fed up/murderous towards each other? What were the biggest issues? (Someone 'borrowing' someone's clothes/things?)
Any advice for her? You know, from a kid's perspective?
Max answered in less than 10 minutes. And Drew entered the discussion after he got off work. And then Clint chimed in. This conversation will disturb you.Or maybe not. Maybe it's just disturbing to their mother.
4/2, 12:26pm
Max
B. And if you think Ford, what is the first (colour, image, person, word, emotion, etc.) that comes to mind? The second? The third? Please explain your answers. Thx!
C. And what if you think Dodge? What is the first (colour, image, person, word, emotion, etc.) that comes to mind? The second? The third? Please explain your answers. Thx!
Probably look for some sort of professional help
Drew
Is it possible she's over reacting to a boys fight? I've had the shit kicked out of me before by max and Clint. Anyone who isn't use to seeing kids fight like that would be a little worried
Clint
Whatever you've never even been given a black eye by us
Drew
Remember that time you ran up to my room, And I falcon punched you in the gut, and you smashed me in the face to the point that I got noodle legs and dropped onto my bed
Or when max stole the computer from you and you beat his head with a binder?
Max winded me so bad at school three times, 2 of which I passed out
Max hit me in the back with a broom stick and I fell over on the top of the stairs and he pushed me so hard I fell down all the stairs
My friends still talk about the time max pinned me between the wall and the toilet and kicked my head
I'm not saying it was that bad, but from the outside looking in it would be a bit scary
Jane
Reading this is making me want to vomit. WHERE THE HELL WERE YOUR PARENTS?
Jane
Clint and Max? WHAT THE EFF. Why were you beating him up? And Drew - way to take it like a man, I guess. But why didn't you tell me what was going on?
And, uh. Proud of you all for managing to stay alive and actually like each other these days.I sure sucked as a mom. Way to create a positive, safe environment, Jane. Hahaha. Oh man. I will never gloat about my parenting abilities.
Drew
Mom seriously
Relax
Clint
Because it's the circle of life mom
Drew
That is what brothers do, and I deserved probably 99% of it
Jane
I just talked to our 'parenting expert' at work about this thread of conversation. Hahaha. Told her it's great fodder for an article on looking back at life through rose colored glasses. Or an article on the ineffectiveness of single moms raising boys.
Clint
So. Mom. Go compare notes with your friend and see if their fighting is on par with ours
If not tell em to man up
Jane
Sigh. I will never understand boys/men. Never.
Drew
If anything it's good for them. Especially the youngest, if I hadn't gotten the shit kicked out of me when I was acting like a little shit I would have turned out like a cocky little kid who thinks he can do anything
Jane
Interesting that Max's response at the start of all this, was to get professional help.
Drew
well yea, cause the way you worded it sounded like they were at the point of murdering eachother
Jane
Reading your stories it seemed like you guys were hell bent on murder too
Drew
exactly, which is what i realized when i was working. that you parents likely dont realize whats actually to the point of murder and wahts just brothers fighting
Jane
But. In spite of those rough years, you three like each other? Consider each other to be your friends? Got each other's backs and all that? I can give her hope?
Drew
uh duh. we've had a 3 person chat going on facebook for like 6 months that we talk in every day, and have all gone and hung out at clints place on the weekend
Jane
Love you guys. Thrilled that you get along. See you Sunday.
Clint
Lol
And that, people? Is parenting at it's absolute worst. They are all alive today by the grace of God, certainly not because of anything I did
"Friend" who asked the original question - hoping this was helpful? Otherwise I've shared my shame for nothing.
If you need some words of encouragement or comfort, all I've got is this: God loves our boys more than we do. Whatever happens - He's allowed it. And? We are single women raising boys. We will NEVER UNDERSTAND THEM. They are aliens to us. Just trust that God is at work. Praying for you. Someday, say, 10 years from now, someone is going to ask you about your boys fighting, and you won't remember. So you'll ask them. And be horrified all over again.
The passage of time. It's a beautiful thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. My cousin's son asked me this:
I'm not sure what made me think of this, but now I am curious: When you are actually sitting down and writing, as your fingers are on the keyboard and the words are flowing, are you writing to a single person? to a group? to the same person or group every time? to yourself?
I've never written personal stuff for mass consumption.
So, who ya writing to?
Of course I'm writing to someone. Always.
And, yes, it's always someone specific. Often the person I'm writing to is someone that I know does not read my blog. But I write anyway.
Sometimes the person I've chosen to write to isn't even born yet. (My future granddaughter, for example.)
Sometimes I write to the person I had a real-life conversation earlier. They likely don't know or care. (Very few of my friends read this blog. They're afraid of the internet. And computers. Or just don't care. Or have time.) :)
Sometimes I write to a friend. A family member. A fantasy friend.
Sometimes I write to someone I hope is reading.
Sometimes I write to someone I hope will fall in love with me.
Or want to be my friend.
Sometimes I write to my future self. Because I want to remember.
And yes, sometimes I write to a group of people.
Like, to that group of 'middle-aged women who live in their mother's basements'. Wait. What? I'm the only one?
Sometimes I write to the group of 'single women raising boys'. Or to 'divorced women who are finding their way'. Or to 'mothers of recovering drug addicts'. Or to 'Vancouver Canuck fans'. Or to 'women who aren't sure about female friendships'. Or to 'people who appreciate photos of trees'. Or 'people who like reading lists'.
Sometimes I write to people looking for recommendations on books. Or movies. Or things to do. Or places to visit.
Sometimes I write to that group of people who've forgotten about appreciating all the little day-to-day things we can be thankful for.
Sometimes I write to my mom. Or those cousins I barely ever see and hardly know.
Often I write to my kids. Or my closest friends. Or my oldest friends. Or someone I've lost touch with.
And almost always I'm writing to someone who doesn't know Jesus. And I'm praying that my life/writing will stir a longing to get to know Him better.
I've wondered, over the years, if readers (all 4 of them) can tell who I'm writing to? My language and tone change, depending on who each post is written for... so I've wondered if people question my 'voice'... and how come it's not consistent.
Did that answer your question?
A tidbit I picked up from my writer's group is this: I assume I am writing to a friendly audience. Someone who is 'on my side'.
If I were to assume I was communicating with a 'hostile readership', my words and tone would sound defensive. And possibly angry. And who wants to read rants, really? They get old after two or three posts. Plus, people read the yelling in their minds and it gets loud and obnoxious.
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3. And the third question was from my friend, Heather. She's a Market Researcher and she asked me if I wanted to participate in one of her studies. I said yes. It was about *car manufacturers. (*not really. But I can't say what it really was about.) (Nothing illegal or immoral or anything.)
Are you wondering what this study entailed? OK, Let me tell you. It would be my pleasure...
It was an online questionaire.
NOT multiple choice answers.
Participants were to type out their answers, using up to 250 words.
You can bet I used all 250 words everytime, (at the start) because I wanted an "A".
(My enthusiasm waned, by the end, I would've been happy with a "C". I was getting paid the same, regardless of my grade. WHOA, my kids' attitude about effort is wearing off on me... Who am I becoming?)
You are so wondering about the questions now, aren't you.
OK. First I was to share a little bit about myself, my family, my friends, my job, my interests, things I love to do. And then sum it up, using only 5 words to describe myself.
So that was easy. To bump it up a notch, I decided to have all 5 words randomly start with the letter C. (Going for bonus points.)
After that, the questions were specific about three different car manufactures: GM, Ford, Dodge.
1.. A. When you think of GM what is the first thought (colour, image, person, word, emotion, etc.) that comes to mind? The second? The third? Please explain your answers. Thx!
B. And if you think Ford, what is the first (colour, image, person, word, emotion, etc.) that comes to mind? The second? The third? Please explain your answers. Thx!
C. And what if you think Dodge? What is the first (colour, image, person, word, emotion, etc.) that comes to mind? The second? The third? Please explain your answers. Thx!
2.. Let’s have a little fun and talk about car mfgs in a way you probably have never talked about them before. Imagine the following car mfgs (GM, Ford, Dodge) as people; and these three individuals are at a party. Now, you know how you have all kinds of people in a party: the social butterfly that walks from one group of people to the next, the person dancing on the speakers, the person that spends his/her evening leaning against a wall and talks to no-one; the person everybody wants to be with… How does each one of our car mfgs, GM, Ford, Dodge, act at the party? And, why so?
3.. Now imagine the same three car mfg, GM, Ford, Ddge, are three kids in the schoolyard.
What are they saying about each other?
What are they saying about each other?
4.. Now imagine that each of these car mfgs (GM, Ford, Dodge) were rooms at a country inn; describe what that room would be like, feel like. (Tell us about the furniture, décor, view, people, and ambiance…)
For each please tell us who/what and why – that is what it is about the car mfg that makes you say this. Thx!
and so on,
I had three days to answer about 10 questions. I could log in whenever it was convenient for me.
All in all a great experience.
I'm pretty sure my answers were very valuable to them. Expect great changes in the marketing and branding of certain vehicles in the future as a result of my creative and articulate answers.
Let me know if you're interested in being on Heather's list. She's always looking for people to participate in her studies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. A day at the lake. A hike in the hills. A walk in the neighbourhood. And Cadbury eggs.
2. By His wounds, I've been saved. Thankful for Saturday evening services.
3. A little tiny God moment. I'd been praying for someone on my way to church and told God I wasn't sure if I should keep bothering. It really wasn't any of my business. I wasn't sure it it was making a difference; He was on it, before I started praying, and would likely continue if I stopped. I told God it felt weird praying for someone I didn't know and would probably never meet and what the heck was I doing anyway?
And then, in church, I looked up at the screen, just as I was sitting down, and saw one five- letter word that was intended for me. From God to me.
And I knew.
I will keep on praying.
Shalom,
xo
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